I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
