On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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