he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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