I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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