I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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