um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
