discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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