just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
