They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
