Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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