I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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