Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
