She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
