I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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