Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I will be naked everywhere
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
