It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
