just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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