I want to make a zoo with you.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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