I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize