i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
