It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
