What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
