Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
