I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
