i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
