I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
