is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
