His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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