I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
