there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
