i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
