it was like his penis was on wheels.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
