stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
