He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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