Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
