Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
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