trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
