I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
