I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
