i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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