I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
