just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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