I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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