I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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