I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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