I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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