Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
