I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize