i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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