I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
