The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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