are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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