help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
