I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
