It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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