Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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