and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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