I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize