he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
