Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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