Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
