He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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