so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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