Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
