Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Never joke about your clitoris.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
